1. Perceive mime spit mime spat into mime spittoons.
2. Hear spit synth loops and original music like ‘Lockdown Party’ with your ear holes.
3. Problematic shadows independent of the body, and absurd sketches about sexy sexy Baby Dracula are realised through professionally conceived visual projections.
4. The OnlyFans part.
5. Align yourself with positive public sentiment that has seen Lachie become a total sellout at all shows so far.
Lachie Ross performs Dyslexic Cowboy every Wednesday and Thursday at Loop Bar (downstairs), 7pm.
1. Big Funny is a fast-paced, rollercoaster ride of unbridled absurdity, and if you don’t act now, it’s gonna hurtle past you at top speed.
2. Creative one-liners, punchy songs, chaotic characters and bonkers sketches – Melbourne has never seen a one-person sketch show like it.
3. The Motley Carlton is a sweet new venue with two bars and fantastic ambiance – a great choice for a night out.
4. Bigger is always better.
5. Amendment – only if it’s filled with good stuff. For example, if you add sawdust to a cannelloni and inflate it like a balloon I’d be extremely impressed given the brittle nature of crust, however it’d also taste like crap. But if you stuffed those same cannelloni with good stuff like chocolate, they’d probably taste great. Wait, is cannelloni the dessert one? Or is that cannoli? Maybe go with a lasagne.
Max Paton performs Big Funny at The Motley Carlton 18 – 24 April 7pm
1. Some are born great. Some achieve greatness and some have mediocrity thrust upon them.
This show is for you.
2. Mum clearly has a favourite and it’s not you.
This show is for you!
3. People you’ve met multiple times in the past will say, “it’s nice to meet you.”
This show is definitely for you.
4. Feel like you’re making life up as you go along?
Aren’t we all? Screw that 5-year plan and come watch Beige Bitch instead!
5. Being beige is an exorcism of perfectionism.
This show gives the middle finger to unrealistic expectations we’ve been conditioned to believe by society and raises a glass to embracing mediocrity instead!
*BONUS* Grab your pals and strap in for a hilarious & electrifying evening of Gaga, palm readings & gin martinis!
Beige Bitch is on at The Motley Bauhaus, Carlton 11-17th April 7pm
1. We’re all up and coming – come see us while it’s cheap!
2. Sam just recovered from Covid so we have amazing antibodies.
3. The venue looks like a giant pink womb.
4. Our show focuses on authentic expression and a genuine love of the craft. We avoid cheap gimmicks and superficial promotions.
5. Chelsea’s denim jumpsuit.
Chelsea Evans, Eli Landes, Sam Gebreleselassie Rising Stars of Comedy are at Heroes Bar April 9th and 14th.
1. If you like the Titanic movie but thought it would be better if they made it heaps shorter and put heaps of sik dances in it like one to Sandstorm by Da Rude
2. You hate Billy Zane
3. You love very nice drawings of sexy lady boobies
4. Dazza’s gay cousin Jordan helps the boiz out by playing all the props and scenery and he takes it VERY SERIOUSLY cos he wants to get into NIDA one day (he has auditioned 5 times)
5. You’ve always wanted to see someone who failed 5 auditions for NIDA do an interpretive dance to My Heart Will Go On while Dazza and Keif do a costume change
Dazza and Keif Reenact the Titanic Movie Playing All the Roles at the Butterfly Club Apr 11 – 17 at 10pm
1) The show is about a fascist takeover of a country by a totalitarian warmonger which I’m not sure holds much relevance currently.
2) It’s on at the late night slot of 11:15 so it’d be bedtime for all the lame-os and more room for the cool skater punks who this alternative comedy show was lovingly made for.
3) There’s a talking tumour puppet
4) A middle finger to the Australian media landscape as well as a pinky, an index finger and a thumb to middlebrow sensibilities.
5) Boasts cameos from Little Carmine from The Sopranos to Gilbert Gottfried to Schappelle Corby.
Ross Purdy performs Hey Hey It’s Doomsday at various times and venues