1. Things arenât Good on the Home Front
After two pandemic-riddled years, nobody is blaming you for hating being home. Youâre sick of it, your partner is sick of you, thereâs nothing left to watch⊠go see something live. Leave your partner at home, that no-dish-washing piece of shit doesnât deserve a night out but you do! So you find four other friends to utilise the Group Discount and book tickets to Daniel Muggleton. Maybe even cheat on your partner with one of them? Itâs a Thursday, theyâre giving you the eye⊠go for it!
2. Things still arenât Good at Home
You went out, saw the best comedy show youâve ever seen but still⊠home just isn’t cutting it. Surely the guilt from cheating on your partner would at least rekindle things for a bit? Lying always makes me horny, I donât want to make assumptions about you but Catholic guilt always gets me going. Anyway, come see the show again, this time on your own to reduce the risk of cheating (Iâm married, sorry). Laughter is the best medicine.
3. Youâve Broken Up with your Long-Term Partner and are Back Living with your Parents
Hey, thereâs no shame in that. You tried to make things work, you cheated to save the relationship, you told them the truth and they were too immature to understand. Thatâs chill, ditch that loser and move back in with your folks – thereâs no shame in that, take the cat with you as a hostage. But itâs been 37 minutes and your parents are already driving you insane, youâve gotta get out. Iâve got a solution, go see the same comedy show again – the repetition will be comforting, I promise.
4. Youâve got a Tinder Date, for the First Time in Years, and Need Somewhere to Not-Talk to Them
I mean theyâve got a sweet rig but who knows what level their chat is at? Itâs a minefield out there, youâre crazy to have dumped your soulmate over some stand-up cheating in the first place. Best play it safe, get loaded at the comedy show and see if their personality is up to snuff at a reasonable hour like 9:15pm. Luckily youâve already found your favourite comedian and youâll be too drunk to remember any of the jokes this time.
5. This Weekâs been Hell, but youâre Back Together with your Partner and need Somewhere to Celebrate because⊠youâre Pregnant!
Why not the comedy show that started it all? The paternity tests can wait.
Daniel Muggleton performs White & Wrong (But Mostly White) at Kicks Mar30 – Apr 24
https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2022/shows/daniel-muggleton-white-wrong-but-mostly-white